me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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