She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
