It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
