She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
