Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
