Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
