I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
