well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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