Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
