In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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