would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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