tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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