its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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