did you get engaged???
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
