my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize