if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
