dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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