I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
