At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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