my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
