What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
