Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
