the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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