I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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