It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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