now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
