Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
