he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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