what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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