I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
