All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just found puke in my bra..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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