I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
