I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
