sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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