Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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