i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
