she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
