Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
