My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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