dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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