I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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