Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Pooping to opera.
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