You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
