i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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