Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
