I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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