My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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