R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
