so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
