in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
