well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
