um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
