My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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