My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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