Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
