you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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