What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
