I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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