drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
is wine microwaveable?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
