i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
