So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
