This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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