I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
