I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
