u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Your tits are I can't wait for
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
