i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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