I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
