I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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