kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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